Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
