Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Boobs are out for the taking
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
