just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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