So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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