my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Welp...herpes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
