I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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