So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
