We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
