Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
