We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
