he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
