I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
