i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
