you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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