I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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