You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
