Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
