i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
