Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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