I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
