Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
