I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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