The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
