so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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