i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
