no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
