ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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