thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
