So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
