I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
