I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
