My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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