The maid of honor just puked.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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