I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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