and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
