I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
