hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
