he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
