i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
