If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
