i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
