my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
