New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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