she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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