He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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