Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
