We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
