In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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