SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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