Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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