that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
