grandma shit on top of the toilet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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